Bill
on “Measures promoting Foster
Care and Adoption” (2nd meeting – hearing of invited representatives of agencies)
STELLA BELIA
(Chairwoman of “Ouranio Tokso
Families” (Rainbow Families Greece):
We
consider this to be a positive step, although we understand it is merely an administrative bill drafted to resolve long-standing problems. We consider
that unifying all registries is a very positive step, so that we know who the children
are and who the applying foster and adoptive parents are. All this is a
positive step and we generally believe this to be a bill in the right
direction, in order to resolve problems faced by all those children, including unaccompanied
minors.
I believe that
such a focus of public consultation on whether same-sex couples should become foster
parents, all this fuss in the news about adoption etc, is only unfair to this
bill and its intentions. At the same time, this bill is unfair to us, too. We would expect this administration not to tell us “you can also be a-bit-of parents, foster parents and caregivers, but not actual parents”. Once
again you consider us to be lesser citizens, and this is a discrimination.
I understand it
is not the Minister’s intention to tell us that, and objections would refer to
the fact that the Civil Law should change first, but I do not know why this was
not done yet. As I have said before in a room like this one, we are not here to take children away from their parents, this is not our aim. We have our own children, and they are discriminated against – the Ombudsman has referred to this discrimination. Our right to parenthood is not negotiable, we are not infertile or childless, we do have children of our own. Yet,
the law deprives these children of certain rights and tomorrow
you will have to apologise why children of straight couples have more rights,
such as a legal relationship with their second parent. This
bill could have resolved such issues with some corrective actions, but there is
the legal
paradox (that two persons of the same sex cannot
jointly be parents of the same child. We are parents; I have openly said that I
have two biological children. Mr Perpatidis has two biological children and a
stepchild from his partner, and he will talk in a while. There is a huge paradox
that gay men cannot / should not
have children, whereas we should let women become moms, if they want to. But
men, no, by no means.
ANTONIS PERPATIDIS (Member of Rainbow Families Greece):
Yes, for us visibility is very important, that is for the average person to see that we exist and we are not the monsters that have only one objective, to molest poor little
children. I was pleasantly surprised so far by the positive approach of
agencies in this room. For us it is important to lift any discrimination
against our children and ourselves. Of course, in this discussion one cannot help considering the everyday difficulties we have in comparison to children raised by straight couples. There is this
extreme scenario that our children, for some reason whatsoever, are no longer
protected by their biological parent, and then what? How will this system work
in our case, since there is no provision for what I would call cross-adoption,
ie the second (non-biological) parent adoption. Thank you.
(Question by Ms ELISABETH SKOUFA)
[…] I would also like to address a question to Ms Belia
from Rainbow Families: what are the forms of families that exist so far in the
context of Rainbow Families, and what are the outstanding legal issues not
resolved by this bill?
(Question by Ms PARASKEVI / EVI CHRISTOFILOPOULOU)
[…] Finally, a question for Ms. Belia
from Rainbow Families: what would you respond to all those talking (both in this
room and in civil society) about bullying. What is your Group’s picture of this?
STELLA BELIA
(Chairwoman of Rainbow Families Greece):
First, I would like to reply to Ms Christofilopoulou. According
to our experience as parents – that is what I want everybody to digest, that we
already have children that live in this society, although some would resent
this – there are more chances for our children to face bullying because they
are short or fat or not very competent with sports or for any other reason that
triggers bullying, than because they have a lesbian mom. That is my personal
experience.
I have two biological children
aged 11, since a biological connection is very important to some people. My
twins have never been bullied and for their school I am Antonis’ and Yannis’
mom, instead of who I am for others.
Therefore, I think that children
take the position they merit on their own, and parents should empower them to
deal with anything that may come. I cannot change the mind of others, but I can
empower my children so that they can deal with any type of bullying and not let
that become a trauma for their development.
So, I believe that bullying could
be easily addressed by the State by introducing the idea of diversity in
schools, the idea of various forms of families so that nobody is seen as a
freak. I work in education myself and I know very simple ways to do that. My
colleagues all over Greece have already started introducing this idea and let
children know that there is not only one kind of family, with a dad and a mom
who are married and live under the same roof, because this is not the full
picture. People may evaluate this stereotype as the best possible family, but
this is not actually true.
We cannot evaluate a family by
the sexual orientation or gender identity of parents and we were glad to hear
that even from the representative of the Church – because so far we got only
hate speech from that side such as “spit on them, shoot them”.
Therefore, our families do exist,
our children are out there, and if you are really that much interested in
protecting them (I am happy to see so much interest and I hope it is not out of
hypocrisy) do as you do with all children. As I said before, my children are discriminated against, starting with this bill that does not set the conditions for their
non-biological parent to have a legal connection with them.
As I have said before, if I should die, I have no idea where my children would go, to whom, be it some orphanage or some blood relative. So, do protect our children, too. It was said, in here and out there as well, that we have an aging population, so my answer to Ms Skoufa is that our families are both original and reconstructed/blended, our children come from previous relationships, heterosexual marriages etc, yet the most common way is through artificial insemination, surrogacy etc and all this is
not covered by this bill.
Likewise, lesbian couples in a civil union can no longer proceed with artificial insemination, and this is a legal paradox. Here we are discussing about whether gay men and lesbians could become foster or adoptive parents because until today the law allowed for single persons to become parents and sexual orientation was not a criterion. Hopefully,
social workers have
never had, so far, to take into account someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity when carrying out their evaluation for a caregiver, so many people have formed their families through fostering or adoption as single
parents.
Now, they are faced with the same
problems as Mr Perpatidis and I are faced, being biological parents. One
should either see things honestly and move forward living in 2018, or else keep playing
hide-and-seek. And tomorrow it will be my children, your children, everyone’s
children that will be the judge of what could have been done and what was
actually done.
