Δευτέρα, 13 Μαΐου 2013

Questions straight people ask gay people…"Don’t you want to get married and have children?"


Married? Yes. Children – eh, maybe. I know for a fact and always have that I have no desire what-so-ever to give birth. Never have. I have never wanted to be a Mother. Nope. I would never make it through a pregnancy. I would kill people. I would be the pregnant woman from hell. I have never once had the desire to procreate. However – I would love to have children. I guess I would be the ‘Dad’ LOL.
I was in a relationship with a woman who had a son. I LOVED being a parent – and I think I did a good job with it. The break up though devastated me because I lost that son when the relationship ended. I tried staying involved in his life – but things being what they were and with his Mom entering into a new relationship, well lets just say it was better that I just suck it up for his sake and leave his life. Worst feeling ever.

Gay or straight, dating someone with kids is hard. Being a step-parent is difficult. If you happen to be in one of those relationships and you throw yourself into a child’s life – when the adult relationship ends – so does the relationship you built with the children (most of the time). It isn’t fair. It sucks. I vowed to never date someone with children again. It hurts too much to love and then have to give up a child.


Stephanie however is the opposite. She thinks the idea of giving birth is an awesome idea. She wants to be pregnant and we have talked about children. Stephanie would be an amazing mother. We are both 40 – so the having a baby option is quickly fading. However – we are both very open and excited about adopting someday.  We want the kid no one wants – the 12 year old, the autistic kid, the one who has been up for adoption and never got picked. I don’t know – we have the option to ‘pick’ who we want to raise and from what point in their life we want to step in. We know we don’t want to be 100 years old when they graduate from high school – and that’s about it. Everything else is a mystery. Maybe we will just have dogs for the rest of our lives.


The thing you should know about gay families is that we are just like straight families.  We have the same dreams and desires for our children – whether they are biologically ours or not. Gay families CHOOSE to have children. There are no accidents. There are no unwanted pregnancies. Unless it is like my relationship was where the child came from a previous straight marriage/relationship – gay people really are the most responsible and well organized parents out there. We aren’t breeding because that’s what we are supposed to do – we have children because we WANT them. We fight for the right to have them. You straight people (mostly) take children for granted. It is a step in your lives – this thing you are ‘supposed’ to do. For us – it takes work, planning, dedication, and perseverance to have kids. The only things in our lives that really IS a choice – is to have children or not.


So I hope this serves to answer some of the frequently asked questions. My advice to you straight people out there is before you ask a gay person a stupid question – ask yourself the question first. If you can’t answer it about your own sexuality – we can’t either. No one forces you to decide when you were straight, or what influenced you to be straight, or what you do in bed. Every gay person has had to explain and figure out all this stuff – you straight people just get to live your lives. All we want is to live our lives and have the same rights and responsibilities as adults that you have. Sex isn’t the issue. You guys make it the issue. Relationships – gay or straight are complex and full of love and heartbreak. They are confusing and exhilarating. My relationship is just like yours, my failed relationships are just like yours. My love is just as valuable as yours. My sex is just as awesome as you think yours is. I have the same desires for marriage and family as you do. The only real difference between us is the gender of our partners – and that is a silly thing to judge people by.

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